What if?

LIFE- it was too short to ask questions, it always had been. Still, these curiosities and those inabilities don't go away, they implant themselves deep in the midst of your heart and they grow, and as they grow and penetrate within your flesh, they transmit a disease, and diseases always give you pain. And grief. And regrets. And past. And the memories. And they never go away, they wait somewhere near your skull, making you conscious of their presence, like a dog. They always urge you to take risk and ask questions to satisfy them, to satisfy you. But what if they would have let you be free, to not to ask questions, to sit dumb and listen to the music of surroundings, small whispers, voices of small life around, voices of distant areas. What if they would have let you to sit for a while in the middle of nowhere and cry and cry endlessly and furiously for your madness, your Infinite Joy? What if, if they would have let you to believe in those small things (or maybe big things?) caged with brief moments (or maybe long moment), moments worth enough to change the outcomes of entire life, moments worth enough to make you what you were, and what you were supposed to be (or maybe what you were not and what you were not supposed to be). What if they would have let you to believe in living, and living to its full and till end, and what if they would have let you to feel and live through fear, danger, hunger, thirst, pain. What if, if it would have let you to carry on, even if you were battered and bruised, blacked and blued? What if, if it would have let you to sense fullness of nothingness? What if?

But then you say, it's done, and what's done can't be undone. Simple as that. But is it really simple as that? If it were simple as that, life wouldn't have had given you the ability to reminiscence the past, it would have let you to tear away your yesterday's story, like pages from a book. But it didn't. Probably it cares for the good moments you had in you past... But still, is it simple as that?