Ways of Seeing

Knowing too much of something can kill you. Sometimes, certain things should be left for the gods to guess as well. Seeing things from a reasonable/knowable distance make them beautiful, all the more intriguing. I remember, while on my way through KKH, how I felt when I first saw Rakaposhi, the tallest beauty of Hunza. How I could trace its shape with the tips of my fingers, appreciate its formation and the snow that cupped it and the light that touched it. How could have I assumed something so beautiful that I was looking at, had had in it to put a dagger down my throat for taking one wrong step? But then, I thought of you.

Him

I see stars dwelling in the black water above
I see his eyes and somehow see those stars in them
I see the cosmos, it dwells so bright
I see how it sometimes shrinks
and sometimes it expands
And I see it all within the black drops of his amusing eyes

The time goes by as the backdrop changes
The leaves turn gold, once they were green
What a pity they eventually die and fall:
I think I will end up alike,
But sometimes I feel
He might save me from my spite
And so in one of these days,
As the sun shies away, after all its so-called glory
behind the mountains and the unknown horizon
And the purple hue embraces me from all sides
I walk past the stone pavements,
Heavy in breath but carrying the frenzy blissfully quite
Like a moth, I crave for his light,
The light that shines more than the sun's all bright

Breathing sometimes high, sometimes low
And like a crazy country musician,
who dazzles with the tunes of his guitar,
I flutter sometimes, and sometimes I fall
High above in the upper air,
I want to breathe and feel
And keep walking past these turn of events
Past the history in making
Past the throat wrenching longings
Past the burden of existence
Past the beginning of a big bang
Past the randomness of the moment
Oh those moments, that were once like each moment
But why aren't they anymore?

I want to skip a beat, I want to play a bit
I want to smile and feel his true feel
I see a man before me, his laughter makes me cry
I want to steal the twinkle of his eyes:
His jar is full, while I awe at him all dry
I want to store his happiness in mine
But then, why am I afraid to give it a try?

The road is dark and the woods are scary
And I have to travel miles to hold him tight
Thus... I love him enough to let him go.
And so he goes, all smiling
While I crunch inside out for his last look
Or maybe a wink from behind his shoulders
He keeps walking that carefree walk of his
And departs from my aisle of mystery
To embrace new cities and continents
And advance in his prehistory

One of these days,
when I was born and raised,
Among laughter and summer haze
And broken down upon the truth of life: Death
And reborn with the spark of Love,
Like a madist, I blossom and wither in the garden of life
But I now wait by the moons and all those gods,
And like the waves that disappear into the mighty ocean
I see him disappear out of my sight
Out on the ship, it cuts the waves and goes into nothingness,
I wait for the flickering light to diminish in the darkness,
And so, I let him go for he has endeavors to cover
And I have so much more to suffer,
And miles so many, myself, to cover.

Oct, 15th, 2016

Drive me through, all night

Well I wonder
where it starts and where it ends?
the road might go somewhere
down amidst the dying mist,
perfumed senses maybe?
says the devil thy musky delusions, but maybe?
the liquor of mercury holds me uptight,
the nightingale above and purple sky, right?
where's the angel?
oh, look at the comet, it goes by so bright
the alchemy's agenda is all night
oh dear friend
drive me through, all night

Take me to the solace and cool winds:
I am a vivid and dazed woman, oh my Wince
I am your Gabriela in disguise,
I am an Ursula in spite,
I can be a gypsy to entice
But--- right know I am gay and oddly bright,
So take me there, dear friend,
take me to a ride through the night,
among these mountains and the road before us,
we shall ascend the skies
and we shall look down upon it all,
the cities so many, their roofs and all,
we shall see the rising domes and rocks,
also the people praising and loathing and all,
we shall see it in a single glance
and we shall be the heroes.

Sweet Love

Yes, there are pains other than the pains of love,
my dear, here in this moment, we are distraught,
the next moment you know, who knows we might laugh?
Yes, there are other pains in this harsh tyrant world
better keep our keeps inside and be distraught
It ain't so hard to give up all and be
inside out, i now dance and dance, you see.
around the squarish space within four walls
i dance, but--- don't let the neighbors know
and don't let them make you go
for they would take you to be the mad one
but they don't know that you know
that there are pains in this world
other than the pain of love
i sit now outside your dwelling
they say you were loved and so much followed
in all your glory, the skies you touched
and hey look, i am all distraught, and gay
with a smile that exhibits tears and pain,
in rags now i sit, outside your dwelling
i just eliminated me, for i wont be remembered
but i will remember the love you gave,
but then they say, there are pains
in this world other than that of love,
and until after death i will.

Her

Gabreila is a vivid woman, who aspires of great meadows in the far off land, and aspires of insecurities the purplish-ness of not-being-good-enough brings to her. They make her fearful and full of death-ful pain. And longings. And regrets. And categories. And classifications. Of people, their type, their disgust she so wants to follow, their achievements she so wants to steal.  But always retires she among her common folks, all smiling and full of life,  who take her on the back of their bikes, to solace and cool winds. 

Musings

What would you do if you have a kite that flies?
Would you mend its ways to tame your pain?
Or set it free to have its wire cut,
The one it owes to, all in vain?

Society's World

Being hopelessly practical in a hopefully impractical world
This constant flux, would one day tear me apart,
And left will be oblivion of silence,
That would come to me, with a surprised momentary lapse:
Wish that I could stay a Bit above this world,
Its tensions and pretensions,
Eating me away from within of what is mine,
Like a moth eaten, softened, aged wood.

Wish I could smile, my true smile,
And not through those true masks of tears.
Wish I could live my true life,
And not through the death by civilized norms.
I know I shall die one day,
But that is all I shall do for Death.
And for the living part,
I know I live through death every day,
But that is all I do for living.
~Sept, 20th, 2015.